manly

Vodka Manberry: Suggestions for Success

Hey Team. So already there have been many successful Vodka Manberry Challenges, all unique in their manliness. And in the end, that is what makes a Vodka Manberry so beautiful. It can be interpreted in so many ways. We’ve had a man slurping one down after he has trimmed his beard. We’ve had a man gulping one after some hard chainsawing. The great thing is, you can do it however you please. And here are some of my suggestions of great situations you can perform a Vodka Manberry in.

  • Whittling a log down to a Chuck Norris action figure with movable limbs, and a rip cord on the back that, when pulled, makes the action figure say “I’m Chuck Norris, bitch.” I’m not sure if that was an actual Chuck Norris catch phrase, but it damn sure should be.
  • Driving a bus that can’t slow down below 50 miles per hour or it will explode to safety.
  • Climbing a live snake hanging from the ceiling
  • Playing fetch with your pet goliath bird eating spider
  • Eating your pet Goliath bird eating spider for breakfast
  • Eating chocolate for breakfast. So badass
  • Shaving a skunk
  • Playing rugby with a beehive
  • Beating Kelly Slater in a surf comp while surfing on a door
  • Beating Hans Grobelhausen (world champion door craftsmen) in a door fastening competition while using a surfboard as a door
  • Welding a sweet broadsword that you will later use to fight your neighbourhood demons.

There are so so so many more manly ways you can ingest a vodka cranberry. Comment any suggestions you have below. And if you are man enough post a video or picture of yourself actually performing a vodkamanberry on facebook to #vodkamanberry. Grab life by the manberries.

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Tell me your Manecdotes

Ah boys. So nice of you to join.

As you have seen if you are a keen Vodka Manberry reader, I have often told manly anecdotes (manecdotes, if you will) about great men in history who have shown sheer confidence and triumphed over adversity through their courage in consuming a Vodka Manberry.

But now I ask you: what is a time when you have displayed a feat of manliness? Feel free to think outside the box of the vodka manberry. Comment here any story you have where you have felt more manly or confident than ever before. did you wrestle a snake? Eat bees as breakfast cereal? Mowed the lawn with a pair of scissors? I want to hear from you!

A Man Reviews Feminine Things

Righto boiz. Here it is. Another review for ya. And this time it’s a song. What song would such a manly man choose, you may ask? Something by AC/DC? Bruce Springsteen? Parkway Drive? Well if you just stop asking and let me finish, then perhaps you will learn. Anyway, trust me, it’s an artist better than all of those three.

That’s right. Ariana Grande.

This young Mariah Carey-esque songstress has come out with another dance fuelled pop explosion: “Break Free.” This is a song I can see myself listening to in any number of manly situations: when I’m pumping iron at the gym. When I’m hunting boar with the boiz. When I’m making sensual, yet effective love. When I’m at the bar with the fellas watching footy. When I’m mowing the lawn. When I’m grooming my beard. When I’m milking squids for their delicious ink. The soaring vocals over the choice house beat courtesy of my main man Zedd ensures that I’m going to have a good time.

Just like men can drink whatever they want, they should be able to listen to what they want as well. And if what I want to listen to Ariana Grande before I listen to Metallica, well so be it.

Grab life by the manberries.

A Man Reviews Feminine Things

Ah. Welcome. This week we will be reviewing the blockbuster musical Wicked. 

What? Just because I’m a man I can’t review a musical about 2 witches who learn about themselves and the true meaning of right and wrong?

Jesus Christ. This is just like the whole Vodka Cranberry situation. You mean because I have a penis I can’t see a god damn musical? Huh? HUH? HOW DARE YOU. THAT IS SICK.

I am lost for words. This is the 21st century. The time where there is more social acceptance for different minorities than ever before. I mean sure, there is a long way to go for many of these groups. But I still deserve a little respect. Shame on you. Shame on society. Same on you again.

Anyway, Wicked was good. Costumes were nice.