confidence

Excuses you should NEVER use when ordering a “girly” drink.

That’s right. There are many tactics in the ol’ playbook that the more cocktail inclined men use when they don’t want to get ridiculed at the bar. It’s a sad society when men have to resort to treachery like this in order to drink a tasty, colourful drink. I cannot stress this enough. DO NOT EVEN CONSIDER ANY ONE OF THESE. The key is simple: confidence. Slurp down that sweet Vodka Manberry without a care in the world. Unfortunately, however, I have seen these all too many times. Hell, I’ve even whipped them out myself on occasion, when I was a younger, more foolish, and less handsome man.

  1. The ol’ “it’s for my girlfriend.”
  2. The ol’ “it’s for my sister.”
  3. The ol’ “it’s for my mum.”
  4. The ol’ “it’s for my grandma.”
  5. The ol’ “it’s for that tribe of amazon women over there who have taken me captive and refuse to let me go unless I give them this vodka cranberry.”
  6. The ol’ “Oh this? Yeah, my doctor said I need more cranberry juice in my diet because I’m lacking valuable vitamin…G. And they were all out of cranberry VB. Oh the umbrella sticking out of the drink? That’s uuuuhhh..for my skin. Yeah. The doctor says I’m easily burned. Oh the chunks of fruit floating around in there? Well…HEY IS THAT NEIL ARMSTRONG?”
  7. The ol’ “Oh this? No, this isn’t a vodka cranberry. This is the blood of the boar that I killed earlier today. I mixed it in with water, because, you know, acquired taste and all that.”
  8. The ol’ “it’s for my dying niece whose last wish is that she can taste a Vodka Cranberry just one last time before she heads off to war. Uhhh yes I did just say she was dying. Uhhh oh yeah and the war thing too. Well it’s both, ok? WE LIVE IN THE 21ST CENTURY, ARE YOU SAYING A DYING 14 YEAR OLD GIRL CAN’T BE IN THE ARMY? SHAME ON YOU.”
  9. The ol’ “What vodka cranberry? I don’t see any vodka cranberries around here. You must be hallucinating again. Have you been taking your meds? Because I’m really worried about you, man. ever since Becky left you’ve been…I don’t know, different, you know? It’s like, ‘can I please have the old Jeff back?’ Remember when we used to sneak into Old Man McGrumpy’s house and just play with his antique toy seal collection? I miss those days, man. And this move to the big city hasn’t been doing you any favours. You’re just not used to this life you know? Look. I know I’m being harsh. But I met this really good therapist on Tinder and I think you should give her a call. I can come to a session with you, whatever it takes to get you through this, ok? What’s that? You can still see the Vodka Cranberry? Uuuuuuhh HEY IS THAT NEIL ARMSTRONG?”
  10. The ol’ “it’s for my pet seal.”

Tell me your Manecdotes

Ah boys. So nice of you to join.

As you have seen if you are a keen Vodka Manberry reader, I have often told manly anecdotes (manecdotes, if you will) about great men in history who have shown sheer confidence and triumphed over adversity through their courage in consuming a Vodka Manberry.

But now I ask you: what is a time when you have displayed a feat of manliness? Feel free to think outside the box of the vodka manberry. Comment here any story you have where you have felt more manly or confident than ever before. did you wrestle a snake? Eat bees as breakfast cereal? Mowed the lawn with a pair of scissors? I want to hear from you!