That’s right. It’s time for another manecdote from us here at Vodka Manberry. Tonight is the story of Adam and Eve. The real Adam and Eve.
Their story was much like what was described in the Bible, and a story that many of us can relate to. He was a boy. She was a girl. Can I make it any more obvious? He was created by an omniscient, omnipotent entity that lives in the sky and created everything in six days. She took ballet. What more can I say?
Well you probably know the part where Eve offers Adam the apple from the tree of knowledge or something, and he takes a bite. This cast God into a frenzy, and he cast them out of paradise and never allowed them to return. What a diva.
But did anyone ever ask why the tree was forbidden?
Well you see, the tree was not technically forbidden. God, (who was in fact a man named Craig) saw the apple as a feminine food product, as it was so sweet. Men in those days would have diets primarily consisting of rocks and the ooze that you find in the cap of a glue stick. But when he saw Adam eating the sweet berry, the nectar dripping down his chin and cascading onto his chest, and looking proud doing it, he became jealous. Why can he look so manly eating something so sweet? Why am I forced to only eat rocks? Why can’t I have nice things?
So in his rage, he cast aside the only friends he ever had. And he didn’t make another friend until he gave birth to his son, Leonardo DiCaprio.
So the lesson is thus: Don’t be ashamed. Don’t cast aside those who are brave enough to embrace the sweetness. Don’t make the same mistakes that God did.
Do a Vodka Manberry.